About Human Relationships

Painting by Katherine Ace

To be awaken, one needs to simplify one's life and realize that it is the ego (or the collective thought and emotional patterns) that create a world that separates you from the rest of the world... and thus the process of awakening can never be reached, since "life" then is based on a fabrication of your thoughts and emotions... this is because the ego hasn't yet integrated its real function, which is to SERVE the physical body and protect it... But the ego is also important to help us live in the world and develop interrelations with other things and human beings... So are there ways to help the sincere seeker to change the ego's mental and emotional patterns? Yes there is a very good way of bringing the necessary transformations... and this new way allows you to perceive others differently. Let me explain:

In practical daily living, a human being hardly ever lives alone - awaken masters living alone are rare and scarce. In our ordinary lives we usually develop intimate relationships. Such relationships, which seemed perfect for a while, when the two are 'in love', somehow quickly turn into love-hate relationships as arguments and conflicts begin to occur with increasing frequency and intensity. The end result can usually be easily foreseen;  divorce, or a break in partnership... Each partner may feel that the next relationship would certainly be better, ... and the same pattern appears with other partners and the ideal picture of what a  partner should be evaporates as in a dream... and when this illusion is realized, the interactions amongst humans usually end up into frustration.

So what are we to do to change this kind of unhealthy situations?

The fact of the matter is that intimate human relationship is basically not any different from any relationship between 'me' and the 'other'. And avoiding any kind of relationship in life is just not feasible or practical, and is just not the answer. The answer is to be sought in seeking the basis of any and every relationship, intimate or otherwise. The basis of a relationship an office colleague, or a cat or a dog that visits you regularly, is truly not different from any intimate relationship. The basic reason for the relationship going unpleasant is the same: the 'other' does something that you do not like, and likes and dislikes must necessarily be different in different people.

In other words, the only way a relationship - formal or intimate -can continue smoothly in peace and harmony is when both  persons concerned are able to accept that the 'other person' and everyone else in the world has an ego, each with a different "inner programming"... It is this inner programming that unfolds in one's life... it is this same psyche that dictates to the ego (or mind)  how to behave, act and react in life... Hence, it is not the ego personality that lay down the rules of anything...it can only follow inner and outer conditioning and impulses... which are translated into mental thoughts and emotional reactions... the ego is a functioning of a body-mind and in reality it is, we repeat, restricted by the  programming in the psyche [or body-mind organism]..

By unfolding the inner programming in an individual, the psyche develops gradually an ego from childhood - this ego is also known as the ego personality,. What we have to understand therefore, is that as human beings we are not governed by the ego... but by other factors which are the psyche or inner programming  -  the persona or ego personality of an individual can only reflect whatever the inner programming allows (some call it karma) in addition to the genes and the conditioning in the body-mind organism...

So why is it that we easily make judgment and condemn and criticize others, when we know that the ego reflects only the positive and negative aspects of the psyche and the genes of a person? The only way any relationship with the 'other' (whomever it might be) can function smoothly and harmoniously is for both the partners to understand the unavoidable limitations of the psyche, the genes and environmental conditioning in both body-mind organisms. In practical terms, what this means is that each 'me' must be able to accept that the 'other' truly has no control over what he or she seems to be 'doing'. His/her 'thinking' is based on the programming (psyche, plus genes, plus environmental conditioning) and his/her 'doing' is based only on his/her destiny, or the Will of God or the Source of Being, and this is done according to a conceptual eternal Cosmic Law, the basis of which no human being can ever possibly understand.

When you accept that the 'other' has his/her own destiny to unfold and experience... you respect that destiny... you honor that life and let it be... and therefore as a result, you do not interfere... However, you might be asked to give an advice or, you might feel an impulse and a need to do so,  and you should go ahead and say it... but will that advise be accepted and taken aboard, will it be taken into account?... This is completely another matter and the outcome should not concerns you anymore...

I have applied this philosophy in my life, because I know that it works for me and my husband... I am married and live a very happy and content life with my partner because we both understand and have realized that this Cosmic Law is true... I have a son, a daughter in law and two grandchildren... I know that these children will grow in a certain atmosphere with certain conditioning imposed upon them... will they later in life carry the same conditionings or will these be discarded to be replaced by more powerful  conditioning? Or will they have a middle life crisis and decide that the real positive conditioning comes from within?  When one reaches this point of no return... one simply enters the Path... that takes one to his/her divine ROOTS... called with different names: the Soul or Consciousness for some the Mind or the Self for others... whichever word you choose is the best one for you... and this is when your QUEST begins... which is to discover your true Self... your true Divine Origin...

Painting by Alan Senior

1- Observe and accept the needs of others... acknowledge that people need to have different experiences to express their inner programming

2 - Contemplate and meditate on the concept that there is a unique Energy that penetrates all creation. Call it what you will: Absolute CONSCIOUSNESS - the UNIVERSAL SOUL - the HIGHER SELF - GOD ... this Unique Energy makes your body-mind, your psyche and ego consciousness stay alive - without that absolute Energy there could be no creation...no universe... no world... no life -   this knowledge and realization could be helpful to you in making you empathize with all sentient beings and with the whole of creation ... unfolding gradually in you a deep feeling of compassion and unconditional Love.

3 - Realize that individuals are different from each others because they each have a different inner programming that unfolds in their psyche and manifests in their ego or persona... Each sentient being is an expression of the Source of Being or of God - so can we condemn it...? Each object and sentient being has its place and role to play... be it grand or insignificant to you... Use your intuition and know that there are many truths and reasons for things to be as they are for reasons that are beyond the scope of our understanding.. be humble....

4 - If you meditate on these points you will soon come to feel very different and therefore you will notice that you are not stressed or frustrated anymore...or at least not as much as before... and this is because you have stopped judging and imposing your points of views and moral values on others and as a result you feel much more energetic - your thoughts and feelings give give you a sense of FREEDOM  and You know that you are AWAKE...

So ask yourself this crucially important question, which is:
How do I perceive the ego now... and what is its role in my life?



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